


Palpable Grief

by Zire_7



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 406 Fix-It of sorts, But someone has to fix yet another Jrot Misfire, Clarke needs all the fucking cuddles, Clexa being cute in flashbacks, Clexa is my OTP, F/F, I have only used what I've seen of the Niylarke scenes on my dash, Lexa's candle obsession, Might as well be a multi-shipper, Niylarke angst, No I have not watched the Flopdred's 4th season, One-sided Niylarke, Sorry Not Sorry, Soulmarks, Soulmarks don't automatically appear on you, Soulmates, The author is Bisexual, They gradually appear as you form a deep emotional attachment to a person, somewhat canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 03:01:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10350909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zire_7/pseuds/Zire_7
Summary: She may not have known her long but she'd known her long enough. Klark needed a distraction and she was quite good at providing them, no matter what form they took. She would get Klark to talk or get her in bed but only for the moment, as that was all they were: moments.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is how it should have gone but Jrot's a fucking idiot. I am not angry or hating on Niylarke, if its your otp...congrats on the sex. But if you think for one second that Niylah is going to survive S4... **I hope to god that nothing happens to yet another person that Clarke cares about because, like Raven said, everyone Clarke cares about dies...and since the Flopdred has a S5.** You know damn well that Bellarke is endgame at this point. A lot of people are going to be upset and angry. I guess I am angry that once more there will be another woman dying, so that the Bisexual protagonist can be with a man. [You do know that Clarke is still Bi if she's with Bellamy. I wouldn't have a problem with it...if it DID NOT ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPEN! THE BISEXUAL PROTAGONISTS ALWAYS ENDS UP WITH A FUCKING MAN. THAT IS NOT GOOD BI REPRESENTATION.] But whatever here's some angsty Niylarke that will probably have Niylarke hating on me and Clexakru as well...I am so fucking tired. All boorish comments will be ignored.

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the 100  or its characters. I own only the plots/situations/ideas that I have placed the characters in.** _

* * *

Her hand hung in the air, frozen by hesitation and compassion as she remembered her first encounter with Klark.

* * *

_The night air carried a chill that heralded the end of summer. She was crouched low in the bushes as she studied the fresh tracks in the mud. There was a natkripa that was killing far too many people who frequented the trading post. A low hiss was her only warning and she barely dodged the lithe body that dropped from the trees._

_It eyes glinted at her from the shadows as the natkripa circled her. She followed it as best as she could. Her heart beat was fast as a low hiss rattled her bones on instinct she spun to face the opposite direction, presenting her back to the natkripa, and waited. The hiss was loud in her ears as she turned at the last second and impaled the natkripa with her short spear._

_The impact of the dead animal knocked her to the ground where she lay sprawled and breathing heavy. Her breathing was under control when she heard a scream shatter the night. She scrambled to shove her kill off of her and started running, hoping that she could reach the person that the scream belonged to before it was too late. Another scream spurned her to go faster._

_When she stumbled across the owner of the screams, she found a girl in the throes of a nightmare with fresh scrapes on her arms. She cautiously scanned the clearing and immediately went to the wake the girl as soon as she saw no one else around. But no matter how hard she tried, the girl wouldn't wake. She took a deep breath and re-examined the girl, her skin was hot, a sheen of sweat covered her face, and her clothes were drenched._

_With shaking hands she reached out and rolled the girl onto her side before gently lifting the back of the girl's coat. Her blood ran cold at seeing fourteen large jus mokskwoma. She cursed under her breath as she scooped the girl up and carried her back to her horse._

* * *

_She spent two days helping the girl battle the jus mokskwoma feisbona and the fever that had taken root in the girl before she woke up and mumbled, “Where am I?”_

_“Yu laik gon ai kofgeda raun de Azgeda taitrei.” She said trying to confirm her suspicions about the girl._

_“I didn't understand anything you just said.” The girl's tone was deceptively calm and at odds with the way she was trying to observe her surroundings._

_She was caught off guard by the sudden fondness she felt for who she now knew was the Wanheda.“I said you are at my trading outpost near the ice nation's border.”_

* * *

She shook her head to clear it and knocked lightly on the door. She heard a muffled curse and a few moments later Klark opened her door a crack, “N-Niylah” Klark's voice rough and shaky, “is something w-wrong?”

“May I come in?” She was afraid that she had crossed a line when Klark just stared at her for a moment before she was waved inside. As soon as she heard Klark closed the door behind her and Klark had taken a seat on the bed, she was at a loss for words as her eyes caught sight of a drawing of Leksa. The edges of it were worn and fading, as if it had been handled a lot.

“With everything going on in the past few weeks have you grieved for Leksa, at all?” A sharp intake of breath was the only answer she needed. She steeled herself for whatever came next, “Will you tell me about that drawing? I'll admit its difficult to imagine Heda Leksa sleeping so peacefully.”

“I don't really want to talk at all.” She nodded and reached for the ties on her shirt but stopped as Klark proceeded to talk, “She was a quiet person, speaking more with her body than words. But when she did speak, you would listen and remember. The first words she said to me were 'So you're the one who burned three hundred of my warriors alive' and they were slowly etched onto my soul afterwards.”

Her eyes scanned Klark a couple times before she saw it, the black script spiraling up Klark's right arm. _**So you're the one who burned three hundred of my warriors alive.**_

“I honestly had no idea what the sensation was at first; it was rare on the Ark for people to find their soulmate. Let alone stay together long enough for their words to show up. That, and the data base or the collection of old-world knowledge was limited to science and medicine. There was a basic run down of soul marks salvaged from the old-world but it just said that they existed. This did not include how the formation of a soul mark felt though.” She had moved closer to the bed without being aware of it, something drew her closer to Klark, as if to try and shield the blonde from her grief. “By the time I understood what was happening, it was too late. She was...”

“She was gone.” A horrible thought flitted across her mind at the blonde's words, “you were there when she died.”

The sob was half scream, half wail and it ripped into her like a school of piranhas. She carefully climbed on the bed and pulled an un-resisting Klark into her arms. “It was supposed to be me. He was shooting at me and...”

She held onto Klark as hard as she could as the trader felt her own tears well up for the blonde girl in her arms. She felt every body rocking sob and heard every gasp for breath as she whispered the same lullaby that her nontu sang for her when her nomi died. After a while Klark's gasping shudder-y breaths evened out. She never stopped whispering the lullaby as Klark slept.

* * *

The next morning her eyelids were heavy and she was dead tired, letting out a groan she rolled over, intent on going back to sleep. As she shifted everything that happened last night came rushing back. Her eyes shot open and she quickly sat up, looking for Klark. But her movements froze when she saw the blonde sitting on the edge of the bed, Klark's back was to her.

“There were some nights that I had to spend in her war tent during the siege of the mountain. And every time I shifted or talked in my sleep, it woke her. She was a light sleeper, not surprising, considering all the assassins that had to have been sent after her. But not that day.” Klark fell silent and didn't seem inclined to continue, but she was curious to hear more about Leksa; sure she knew all about the commander but not the woman behind the title. She tentatively leaned across the bed and tugged on Klark's shirt and like last night the blonde did not resist her. And when she had her arms wrapped around Klark once more “Beja na yu chichplei mou hashta Leksa kom Trikru? Ba jos taim yu gaf in biyo.” 

“Okay.”

* * *

_She wasn't nervous as the guards ushered her inside Lexa's room but her grip on the sketch book begged to differ. The book had been a recent addition to her room as well as the charcoals. She wondered for a good ten minutes how on earth Lexa got the impression that she loved to draw from the hour she spent roughly sketching the reaper tunnel map with Lincoln._

_“Klark.” Her eyes immediately locked onto the commander's frame sprawled across the couch. She forced her body to relax its grip on the sketch book and willed her heart to slow down. “You sound surprised to see me.”_

_“I wasn't sure you'd accept my invitation to join me for...” She was so not ready or willing to admit that that confused eyebrow furrow was the most adorable thing she'd ever seen. “brench?”_

_“Close, I believe I said it was brunch.” She was finding it harder and harder to keep lying to herself about her feelings for Lexa._

_“Oh, well then,” It was a struggle to not give into her itching fingertips, she really wanted to capture the side of the commander on paper, as Lexa said, “I wasn't sure you'd accept my invitation to join me for brunch.”_

_“I wasn't sure I would either but it gives me the opportunity to thank you for this.” She tapped a finger against the soft black leather cover. “Mochof.”_

_“Pro.” She made a note to speak more Trigedasleng around Lexa as she saw that small smile she loved so much, work its way onto the commander's face._

_As soon as she took a seat and she caught a whiff of freshly baked bread, a breathy moan escaped her, she was too hungry to be embarrassed, “I still can't believe how awesome bread is and meat...I'd have killed for just a scrap of roasted boar on the Ark.”_

_“What kind of food did you have in the sky?” Lexa's question almost killed her appetite, almost. She held up her finger as she finished chewing the food in her mouth._

_“Before I answer that, tell me, what is the worst thing you've ever eaten? Besides jobi nuts that have gone bad.” There was a flicker of surprise that flashed across Lexa's face when she mentioned bad jobi nuts._

_“Army travel rations. They are bland and tasteless.” Lexa shuddered at the mere thought of having to eat them all her life, instead of half of it._

_“Well take the blandness and the tastelessness times it by a thousand and make it more liquid than solid, and you have standard Ark fare. Hell if I was given a choice between army travel rations and Ark food as the only thing that I could eat for the rest of my life, I'd happily eat travel rations.” She smirked at the look of abject horror on Lexa._

_“Klark please tell me this is a joke.”_

_“Nope. Its not easy growing plants in water and even harder to grow enough for over two thousand people in a hoge-podged spaceship.” She was purposely using words that would confuse Lexa, her confused face was too adorable. “Hoge-podge means confused mixture. Some of the stations weren't the best fit for what was needed but it was all that my people had.”_

_After that the two lapsed into silence and ate the, thankfully, not Ark food. The silence was easy between them as each finished with their food before getting lost in their own worlds She noticed that Lexa was once more lounging on the couch reading a leather bound book. Her fingertips were itching again and this time she was going to scratch that itch. She shifted in the chair to get into as comfy a position as possible before she glanced at Lexa._

_The first thing that registered was how breath taking Lexa was, the second was how peaceful and relaxed she was, and the third, the commander snored._

_“I'm so going to tease you about that and your obsession with candles when I figure my feelings for you out, Lex.” She said a little louder than she had meant to and looked up, heart in her throat, fully expecting to see an un-amused pair of green eyes looking at her. But the commander was still sleeping._  

* * *

“I miss her. I miss how she said my name. I miss her smile and if I had ever heard it, I'm sure I'd miss her laugh too. And I am so, so very afraid that one day I'll wake up and what I have left of her will be gone too.” She was at a loss as to how she could help Klark as the blonde traced every letter of her soulmark. The only thing she could do was hold the blonde in her arms and hope that it was enough.

“Her spirit lives on through you.” She whispered softly into Klark's ear when she felt the blonde's body tense, “I never would have suspected that the commander was obsessed with candles.”

Klark's shoulders were shaking but she knew it wasn't a prelude to more tears, “If I had known that, I would have spread rumors about having the best candles among the 12 clans.”

“Ha,” There was a crack in Klark's voice, “I just,” another crack, “realized that she,” and another, “lived in a giant candle.” At that Klark dissolved into ear-splitting cackles.

“Thank you for this.” Klark said after catching her breath.

“You looked like you needed someone to lose yourself in or talk to. You've been so wrapped up in saving everyone else but who is looking after you.” She lets Klark pull away from her. There's a frown pulling at the corner's of the blonde's mouth. “Niylah I don't know if I can love anyone else even though I know she'd want me to be happy. And there's a world that still needs saving.”

Her eyes track Klark as she moves about the room, pulling on pants and trying to avoid looking at the drawing of Lexa. She sighs as she gets up to leave, she needs to get back to her outpost.

“I want you to stay, its unfair of me to ask but last night and this morning made me feel happy since the city of light.” She freezes mid-step as she feels Klark hug her from behind. She wishes she could say what she wanted but she breathed deeply as she silently repeated an old world saying 'if you love something, you have to be strong enough to let it go'. “Clarke, you know how I live.”

As she felt Klark step back she wasn't prepared for how cold she felt. “I know. But Niylah, please, once we solve the nightblood it will be distributed to Arkadia and Polis first. I won't be able to go out there and do what needs to be done with the thought of you not being here to get it.”

“I'll stay.” She does not hear the rest of what Klark says before leaving nor does she have the will to follow after the blonde. Instead she collapses on the bed and thinks about the words hidden underneath the tattoo on her back, about her soulmark; _**I didn't understand anything you just said.**_

**Author's Note:**

> Trig Translations.
> 
> Natkripa: Panther. [I made this word using Nat/night and Kripa/demon.]
> 
> Taitrei: Border. [I made this word using Tayon/line, and trei/path/trail]. 
> 
> Jus mokskwoma: blood worm [Leeches these little fuckers are poisonous as fuck because of radiation]
> 
> Feisbona: poison
> 
> Nontu: Father
> 
> Nomi: Mom
> 
> Beja na yu chichplei mou hashta Leksa kom Trikru? Ba jos taim yu gaf in biyo: Please will you talk more about Lexa of the tree people. But only if you want to say.
> 
> Pro: You're welcome


End file.
